Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I AM VODKA MAN
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
