evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
