she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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