angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
