ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
