break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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