He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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