we have officially lost it.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
