Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
