Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
