his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
