my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
