It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
