I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
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