i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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