we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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