sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
