funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
