The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
