sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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