Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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