Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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