4 words: hood of his car
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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