just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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