I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Randomize
