singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
