No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
