hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
