I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize