Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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