My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize