he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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