At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
