I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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