I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
A+ Viking dick
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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