god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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