I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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