omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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