I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
