ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
