and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
