In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
