i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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