the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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