where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
