When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
