It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
