38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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