Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
