Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
