You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
