Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
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