My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
