somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize