Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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