I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
