All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
