My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
