All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
