I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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