so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
