she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
