That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
