I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
