i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
