party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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