I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
