He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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