even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
