yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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