Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize