Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
