You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
