Need sex. Gaining weight.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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