You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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