Define "chronic" masturbator.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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