When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
