You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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