she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
