If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
