Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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