and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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