Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
oh god was she eating orange peels again
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
