is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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