I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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