For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
