life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
