Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Randomize
