I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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