those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Do you remember whose house we're in?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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