Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
