I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
