Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Randomize
