Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
