we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
