I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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