I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
