Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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