Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
